ENFJ×ESTJ

Ideals and procedure. You can see what the other is aiming at, yet the one who moves people and the one who runs things cannot share one command.

Ideals and practical matters

ENFJ moves the room and reads the flow. ESTJ runs practical matters and arranges bodily comfort. To ENFJ, ESTJ is someone doing with ease what ENFJ strains to do: arranging things. To ESTJ, ENFJ is someone doing with ease what ESTJ strains to do: moving people.

In terms of positions, the "emotion that moves the room" ENFJ does as naturally as breathing is, for ESTJ, the third position, where they strain out of duty. ESTJ's "practical logic" is likewise in ENFJ's third. That is, each shows the other, unaffectedly, the very thing the other is stretching to reach. That is the true nature of the superego relation's "respect", and at the same time of its "envy".

In the old observations, superego is the relation in which the strongest area of one's ego is, for the other, an area of pangs of conscience and lack of confidence. You understand the other's motives well, yet means and values differ too much for it to become competition.

Supporting, without submitting.

The heaviest cross

Up close, ENFJ's reading of the flow touches ESTJ's sore spot, and ESTJ's care of the body and remarks about reality touch ENFJ's. ENFJ's dramatic predictions look groundless to ESTJ; ESTJ's remarks about reality look like insult to ENFJ.

The second position's tool strikes the other's fourth. ENFJ's "intuition that reads the flow" is ESTJ's untouchable place; ESTJ's "sensing that arranges comfort" is ENFJ's. The better the other does it, the more you shrink. So doing the same task side by side collapses, and dividing the task leaves only respect.

The observation says tug of war becomes ordinary conversation, and putting one's own interest first turns it into ugly competition.

With separate specialities, a reinforcement of strength. Especially while there is a crisis outside.

How each sees the other

What has been recorded

• SCENE 01Tug of war

  In a scene one handles with ease, the other is drained. Envy mixes into respect; putting one's own interest first turns it into ugly competition, and tug of war becomes the ordinary form of conversation, the observation says.

• SCENE 02Reinforcement of strength

  Surprised and baffled by each other's brazenness and restraint, in work cooperation that stance eases each other's anxiety, becomes support, and reinforces strength, the record says.

• SCENE 03Formal conversation

  Without a shared topic the conversation turns formal, and each states their own view rather than listening. There is an impression of being understood, yet each suspects the understanding is shallow, the observation says.

A pair on record

Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene

If you keep going

Divide into ideals and practical matters

The same job means tug of war.

Do not blame the distance after a crisis

It returns when the crisis passes.

Do not demand grounds; do not make dramatic predictions

Each other's sore spots.

For these two

How to meet ── Where they can be seen from afar

A relation that works because you do not get close. Recitals, the stage, lectures. Meeting as an admirer is the best form.

Approach ── Respect their specialty

Do not imitate what they do with ease. Praise it. Doing the same work breaks it, so come closer while keeping your own specialty.

A date ── To the place they are good at

Go to see where they shine. Invite them to where you shine. Alternate. A date that does not stand on the same ground suits them.

Gifts ── for ENFJ, Something consistent; for ESTJ, Feeling

For ENFJ: A book with clean logic, a tool with structure. What puts a spine into ENFJ's heat.
For ESTJ: A letter, something handmade, words. What ESTJ does not produce alone.

Frequently asked

I respect them, yet it becomes tug of war

The superego form.

It was good during the crisis

The case shows distance returning when the crisis passes.

I was insulted by being asked for grounds

A reply that touched the practical side's fourth position.

What is ENFJ and ESTJ compatibility in love?

Drama and reality look to each other like insult and groundlessness. More under "Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene" and "If you keep going".

Do ENFJ and ESTJ work well together?

While there is a crisis outside, a reinforcement of strength. More under "Love, living together, work, family: scene by scene" and "If you keep going".

This pair is the superego relation, one of the sixteen. How the relation itself arises, and how to tell it from the others, is on the relation page.

Other pairs in the «Super-ego»

This page is also available in Japanese: ENFJ と ESTJ の相性. Русская версия: ENFJ × ESTJ.